I'm just a girl...

Take this pink ribbon off my eyes
I'm exposed
And it's no big surprise
Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights

Oh...I've had it up to here!
The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear

'Cause I'm just a girl I'd rather not be
'Cause they won't let me drive
Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

I'm just a girl,
Take a good look at me
Just your typical prototype

Oh...I've had it up to here!
Oh...am I making myself clear?
I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl in the world...
That's all that you'll let me be!
I'm just a girl, living in captivity
Your rule of thumb
Makes me worry some

I'm just a girl, what's my destiny?
What I've succumbed to Is making me numb
I'm just a girl, my apologies
What I've become is so burdensome
I'm just a girl, lucky me
Twiddle-dum there's no comparison

Oh...I've had it up to!
Oh...I've had it up to!!
Oh...I've had it up to here!Just a Girl- No Doubt

    So today, after doing about one thousand loads of laundry, and changing several sets of sheets and cooking several meals, and cleaning up a LOT of messes I didn't make- I am reflecting... I am not going to be writing today the sob story of my life- because it's really pretty wonderful. I do however wish to share some of the thoughts I have had as I've gone about my day.

   Have you ever wandered into a room you are SURE you left clean not five minutes before- and wondered what happened and WHY? Or have you ever mopped the kitchen floor and bleached it only to have someone spill a huge glass of juice which you usually NEVER buy, all over it at dinner just a few hours later? Or this one- where you clean the bathroom, and then later that night the kids finger paint the counter top and sink in toothpaste crap? Because I have enjoyed all those things, often all in the same day.

    To me there is very little worse than laundry, as far as household tasks. I don't just dislike it I LOATHE it!!! It NEVER ends, no one notices it's done- accept when it isn't, and it takes so much time. I will say this- after one complaining session my husband reminded me with a bit of a racial slur that years ago I would have been beating my laundry against a rock, by the river... It made me giggle- and then think. When Matt and I got married we had an apartment, where the complex of course charged us a fortune to do our laundry- in the common laundry area. Then when we moved down to Lethbridge, we didn't have ANYTHING so every few weeks we would accumulate the crap we had dirtied and take a taxi to the laundromat. It was a trek and cost us a pretty penny as well- but it sure beat washing towels and jeans by hand. Have you ever tried to wring out wet blue jeans? It's a hideous task...

    After we had our Sadie my mom bought us a used washer and dryer, which SEVERELY lifted our burdens. And we haven't been able to do without since! So every time I wash clothing or especially bedding I feel thankful that I have a nice newish set of appliances to help me out. However the thought still remains- why do I have to do it???

   As a 'homemaker'- yuck I hate that term, I am required to do a lot of tasks that I hate and are positively thankless. And I can't help sometimes wonder how fair it all is- because as great as my husband is and how hard he works at his job he could NEVER do what I do- he would go stir crazy in seven hours. This means though, that I have definite days that I resent my divine mission in life in lieu of the fact that I am a woman. Does being 'just a girl' really mean JUST that?
  Well NO...

   Assuming it all goes as it "should", then you find yourself changing your identity AGAIN. A new name, a new home and a new role- which by the way is SO not black and white. I remember about a week after being married with Matt standing right beside me, signing something with my maiden name, and he was all offended. The truth is though that 21 years of having the same name and then suddenly changing it, is a hard adjustment. Then once you get used to being someones wife you maybe go and get the wise idea that you should have children... I say that tongue in cheek, because the five incredible beings the Lord has graced me with are undeniably the best thing I have EVER done with my life. That being said, SERIOUSLY having children? CRAZY!!! And then assuming you are ABLE to have children, which perhaps you never considered even being an issue- No matter WHAT you do as a woman and wife before you have a child, NOTHING can adequately prepare you for the surprise that awaits you. How your body will NEVER be the same, not your skin or your breasts or your bladder or your hips/back/knees. And then once you start to figure out one, you have more and of course they all have to be DIFFERENT... BAHHHH!!!!
   So then what? You raise your children and try to figure out what each of them needs and somehow at the same time be the woman of your husband's dreams, albeit with stretch marks and wrinkles... Graying hair and MUCH less energy. Also trying to maintain/build your testimony and keep yourself educated. Not forgetting the community or the importance of physical fitness, or if you have a career keeping that afloat so as not to lose your much sought after place in the workforce. And don't forget to look fashionable and improve your talents and keep the house tidy and organised, and have dinner waiting... And all this on often less than four hours of sleep.
   So by saying I'm just a girl really it's such the perfect way... I am just a girl. Not a miracle worker, although I have had MANY miracles. Not specifically one thing, although capable of EVERYTHING. Not a boy- because we were created very specifically different. No indication of age, or size or colour, or race- just that... A girl. And what a unbelievable thing that is. I would like to pose ANOTHER thought, one that saved me very recently and it's NOT mine. It was shared by a dear friend. And it's called Operation D.O.G. and it's simple. When we feel like we can never measure up and we don't know where we stand or even who we are anymore- we are Daughters Of God! So instead of thinking of ourselves as JUST girls, we need to be living Operation D.O.G. And then somehow we aren't JUST anymore...